puppetfic | The Orville Fic: Heavy In Your Arms

Title: Heavy In Your Arms
Fandom: The Orville
Relationship: Alara Kitan/Solana Kitan
Warnings: Sibling Incest, Marijuana Usage, Dubiously Consensual Kissing
Length: 1,457 words
Rating: T

"Are you sure?" Solana asks, her fingers tapping with an impatient disharmony on the table. "I've heard that we--"

"That Xeleyans feel the effects harder?" Alara offers for her, before she can finish her sentence. She moves to the matter replicator and gives a soft lulling order: "One cannabis edible, 50 miligrams in chocolate ice cream."

"Commander Grayson taught me about this," Alara continues. "At first it was rough, but don't worry, you'll get the hang of it. And I'll be right here with you."

Solana exhales, as if her sister's presence truly is the comfort that Alara wants it to be. She hasn't gotten high since she developed her disease, and the marijuana definitely helps with the pain of moving around. She's still sore and they're both a little traumatized from almost being murdered.

A funny thought occurs to Alara: had they actually been killed, at least it would've happened with them side by side. Together.

God, that's fucked up. But Alara is fucked up. The experience has two purposes: to give her sister something new to talk about, something new to research, and to give Alara a way to clear her mind, to forget about the things she feels when she's around Solana. It's all wrong, all sick, but it aches inside of her even still, the horrific yearning and the monster of it gazing back at her with anatomical Xeleyan hearts for eyes and shattered weak-gravity bones for teeth. She wants her sister and she wants her sister and she absolutely cannot want her sister. So: 50mg cannabis edible. It calms her.

"You're sure nothing bad will happen?"

Alara shrugs. "I'm sure. But you don't have to if you don't want to."

"No, I want to," Solana replies, too eager, too quick. "I was always so jealous of the fun things you got to do on the Orville. I didn't know how intense that jealousy was until you came home. I want to experience things with you, Alara."

And Alara shivers. Shakes in her mobility chair. She dips a spoon into her ice cream and takes a large bite. It reminds her of nights with Kelly, the time she got so high she had to get Claire to calm her down.

Even then, she thought of Solana. She tried not to, of course, tried to bury herself in her work to ignore the memory of her sister. They rarely talked; she was always doing something brave and valiant and Solana was always studying. It was a time. She joined the Union because she never really had Solana, never had anyone in her family, but things are different now, things are beautiful now. And Solana wants to do things with her! Solana wants to spend time with her. She couldn't ask for more.

"What do you want?" She asks. "The synthesizer can add cannabis to anything if you specify."

Solana thinks for a moment. "I'll just have.. the regular?"

Alara gives a small laugh. "One cannabis edible," she says to the synthesizer, which produces a very appetizing brownie for her moments later. She picks it up and moves her chair over to Solana on their couch.

"Here," Solana says, her arm curling around Alara's arm as she helps Alara out of the chair. Alara tries not to sink into her touch, fails at every attempt not to melt beneath it. How did she ever think she could stay away from this forever? She never thought it could get better, but they're right - everything does eventually. Alara moves her stare to the ground as skin brushes over skin, as touch falls into more touch. She's starting to feel the effects already; she never wants Solana to stop touching her.

Solana hands her the bowl once she's settled, and curls up next to her. They don't touch this time--Solana is positioned too close, too far away for Alara to handle.

Solana takes a big bite of the brownie and smiles with brown in her teeth. It's so endearing. Alara shovels more ice cream into her mouth and gives a similar smile in response, matching her sister with careful joy.

"When will I start to feel it?" Solana asks.

"Well, humans typically feel it around half an hour to two hours after taking an edible. Xelayans, though... it.. varies."

Solana laughs, a high giggle. "Maybe my next personal research project can be Xeleyans and human drugs."

"That'd be... something."

"Wouldn't it?"

Alara finishes her ice cream. She feels a warmth begin to grow inside of her, a blossoming scorch that isn't just the substance. The marijuana, however, has fully hit her by now, so yes, it clearly does vary--last time it took her about 45 agonizing minutes to blast off.

"So," Solana says. "Meet anyone cute on the Orville?"

Alara swallows. This is when she realizes that getting high with her sister she is maybe in love with was a very, very bad idea; she can't seem to keep the adoration from bleeding through. It saturates her now. It turns out that, with Solana right in front of her and her mind gone, her feelings are much harder to ignore.

"Oh, you know, most men there still, in the 25th century, feel emasculated when their girlfriends are stronger than them, plus I kept breaking Dylan's jaw any time we made out, so..."

"Well, now that you're back, I'll have to introduce you to some of my new friends. Maybe you'll meet someone you like, hm?"

Alara coughs. "Sure," she says. "I'm sure that's---" she tries her hardest to stifle a laugh, because in this state, how can Solana not know? "I'm sure that's a possibility," she finishes, barely restraining herself. Solana is silent for a very long time, fidgeting with the zipper on a nearby pillow.

Then she says: "Not to - ah - change the subject, but I think - I think - I think maybe I don't want to get married."

"Hitting you that much?"

She forces herself to look at Solana. Her eyes are bright rose red. "Is it?"

"Yeah, I think so," Alara laughs.

"I like how this feels," Solana replies, and then she's silent again.

"Wait, what do you mean you don't want to get married? Don't you love Terlus?"

"I do, but it's - I'm not sure. It doesn't feel, it doesn't feel..."

She gives a final freeze and an inxplicable giggle. Alara's mind is starting to mellow out entirely, too, but her tolerance is much higher than Solana's. The synthesizer makes all brownie edibles 50mg by default, but that was probably way too much for someone who's never taken one before.

"...Right," Solana finishes. "Not yet. Um, I feel really---"

"Are you okay?" Alara asks. Once again, minimal response. Solana just sits there, stares at her with wide eyes. Alara cannot help but stare back, her mind flickering through thoughts indecisively--Solana's arm around hers and Solana on Jintann doing research and Solana when they were kids being the representation of everything she loved and everything she resented. She hates Solana for doing this to her and for leaving her and she loves Solana for being Solana. It's too overwhelming, too difficult for Alara to cope with.

The only way out, she decides, is through.

Last time she had a problem with fear, she fixed it by pulling herself through. If she can allow herself to touch, to feel Solana, she can get over it, she'll move on.

So she reaches out for her sister. Her body is still too weak from the illness to move properly, and she's starting to feel a little dizzy, but her high is telling her this is a good idea and she wants it now, doesn't remember, in this state, ever wanting anything more than she wants this. Her sister, the way it should be. The way it should have been in the first place. On an equal path. Loving each other equally. It doesn't occur to her that Solana might pull away, because it doesn't matter. This is for her only.

Solana doesn't look alarmed when Alara grabs her, only laughs again. But when Alara kisses her, she becomes statuesque, frozen yet still warm underneath Alara's lips. It's like she can't process what's happening, like her mind simply won't accept it. Alara keeps kissing her, tries to move through the motions, tries to work through her pain by moving her body against Solana's and curling into her. It might work, it might not. But Solana isn't pushing her away even if she isn't kissing back.

It feels so good to be this close to her, feels holy. Something else becomes clear through the haze of Solana beneath her: she isn't going to make it through this at all.